Had a 'talk' with my sister in law who basically accused me of being kind to her just to get close to some dude. I'm still in shock but need to keep an eye on her b/c...that conspiracy theory could cause some damage. That on some old Mel Gibson type shit.
Fornicated last Saturday, porn style. Legs behind my head, spreading all crazy, 4 or 5 positions, oral, jockey, doggy and spit. Then woke up Sunday and did it again, vicious head game. Good times and I didn't feel guilty afterwards, just sore :)
Plan B is expensive. $50? And there are side effects that are crazy. I'm cool.
Gambled in AC and lost $1500. Lesson learned.
Now that I love my job, I need to get the rest of my life in order.
Got my swag back, just looking for a dude to compliment it.
GOT APPROVED FOR LIHEAP! YAY! $110 credit on my electric and gas bill every month. Needed that so bad.
How wrong is it for a man to carry a purse, a murse if you must? I mean you're cute but the murse......dumbs you down a little bit. Not to mention the gay possibilities. And you don't carry a wallet b/c of the buldge and that's fine but what about a money clip, why just go straight for the murse option? Good luck to the new chick because you weren't all you're cracked up to be. I'm a fool for opting to settle.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Sunday Morning
I was invitied to church this morning with HIMM. Haven't been to church in...forever but it didn't burn down upon my entry so that's a good sign. Church was...enlightening. Lately, things have been happening by devine intervention. I always feel like I'm put in the right place at just the right time for the message to be relayed. Most days, daily devotion is right on point but my day is so....mind controlling that even when I try to break down devotion I can't concentrate enough to see the meaning behind the words. I need to work on this.
Today's sermon had many messages. My morning was shit after the discovery that my true love has been dipping and swimming in different waters as recently as Friday night. My heart is hurting, more like aching and I know what needs to be done but it's not what I want. Walking away will be the hardest thing I've ever done by far so I'm praying for the right answer. Anyway, Pastor's message varied but my take from it was endurance. There are so many trials and tribulations in my life that I never take the time to think things through. I am not a victim of the circumstance, rather more like a soldier in the battle. I need to take pride in my faith and hold on to the fact that I know that things will work out in my favor. In this 'got to have it now' world, my impatience is growing. Because I need to remember I'm down, but not out and that I have been blessed already in so many ways, beyond my wildest dreams. I need to study GOD's word more and begin to take them more seriously. My doubt in my religion is...humbling to say the least. I know why I'm doubting my faith and when I actually put pen to paper it sounds ridiculous; how dare I have the audacity to question a greater being just b/c my timeframe is not being met. But I'm not sure what to do. My heart is growing black due to disappointment. I'm resenting choices I've made even though I know I can't change any of them, what's done is done. So I need to take the mistakes I've made, learn from them and move on, not dwell on them and become angry. What is that solving? That is stalling my evolution personally and spiritually. Nothing is worth sacrificing that for. My faith needs to be what gets me though, although now that I'm thinking about it, I don't know if any thing else ever has. My finances, no matter how low they are, I give them to GOD b/c he always makes a way no matter what. Why is it I can give that to GOD but everything else I hold so close to my heart that I can't let it go enough to let GOD solve it. I need to learn to give EVERYTHING to GOD and move on to other issues. My doubt cause insecurity and my faith needs to be the cushion that soothes me b/c I know I will emerge the victor everytime, no matter what.
From now on, I will rejoice, not in the circumstane but the fact that this is a day the LORD has made. I will endure through the night, for joys comes in the morning. This is what I need to practice. Easier said then done. I am merely a vessel to be used, I need to relinquish myself to GOD for his doing.
This is troublesome......but I feel I have no other choice. I can do it but the question is will I stick with it long enough to see it through?
Today's sermon had many messages. My morning was shit after the discovery that my true love has been dipping and swimming in different waters as recently as Friday night. My heart is hurting, more like aching and I know what needs to be done but it's not what I want. Walking away will be the hardest thing I've ever done by far so I'm praying for the right answer. Anyway, Pastor's message varied but my take from it was endurance. There are so many trials and tribulations in my life that I never take the time to think things through. I am not a victim of the circumstance, rather more like a soldier in the battle. I need to take pride in my faith and hold on to the fact that I know that things will work out in my favor. In this 'got to have it now' world, my impatience is growing. Because I need to remember I'm down, but not out and that I have been blessed already in so many ways, beyond my wildest dreams. I need to study GOD's word more and begin to take them more seriously. My doubt in my religion is...humbling to say the least. I know why I'm doubting my faith and when I actually put pen to paper it sounds ridiculous; how dare I have the audacity to question a greater being just b/c my timeframe is not being met. But I'm not sure what to do. My heart is growing black due to disappointment. I'm resenting choices I've made even though I know I can't change any of them, what's done is done. So I need to take the mistakes I've made, learn from them and move on, not dwell on them and become angry. What is that solving? That is stalling my evolution personally and spiritually. Nothing is worth sacrificing that for. My faith needs to be what gets me though, although now that I'm thinking about it, I don't know if any thing else ever has. My finances, no matter how low they are, I give them to GOD b/c he always makes a way no matter what. Why is it I can give that to GOD but everything else I hold so close to my heart that I can't let it go enough to let GOD solve it. I need to learn to give EVERYTHING to GOD and move on to other issues. My doubt cause insecurity and my faith needs to be the cushion that soothes me b/c I know I will emerge the victor everytime, no matter what.
From now on, I will rejoice, not in the circumstane but the fact that this is a day the LORD has made. I will endure through the night, for joys comes in the morning. This is what I need to practice. Easier said then done. I am merely a vessel to be used, I need to relinquish myself to GOD for his doing.
This is troublesome......but I feel I have no other choice. I can do it but the question is will I stick with it long enough to see it through?
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Living In Religious Confusion
We should battle through our moods, feelings, and emotions into absolute devotion to the Lord Jesus. We must break out of our own little world of experience into abandoned devotion to Him. Think who the New Testament says Jesus Christ is, and then think of the despicable meagerness of the miserable faith we exhibit by saying, "I haven’t had this experience or that experience"! Think what faith in Jesus Christ claims and provides— He can present us faultless before the throne of God, inexpressibly pure, absolutely righteous, and profoundly justified. Stand in absolute adoring faith "in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God— and righteousness and sanctification and redemption . . ." ( 1 Corinthians 1:30 ). How dare we talk of making a sacrifice for the Son of God! We are saved from hell and total destruction, and then we talk about making sacrifices!
It is because of our trusting in experience that we see the steadfast impatience of the Holy Spirit against unbelief. All of our fears are sinful, and we create our own fears by refusing to nourish ourselves in our faith. How can anyone who is identified with Jesus Christ suffer from doubt or fear! Our lives should be an absolute hymn of praise resulting from perfect, irrepressible, triumphant belief.
I need this today. I'm battling through my emotions. I'm hurting on the inside because I haven't found love yet. I've loved someone and yes, I've been in love but in my adult life, I haven't found love. I constantly pick myself apart to find out what I'm doing wrong. I starve myself in order to loose weight, I keep my hair up, face and trilogy waxed. I maintain myself thoroughly and still nothing. So I'm finished with my search. I know people say 'give it to GOD' but that is very difficult for me to do. I am so in control of my career, my home and most other aspects of my life then love. I'm depressed because I haven't found love in my timeframe while my faith has taught me that it's not my timeframe that matters. I've veered away from my faither recently, questioned it actually because I didn't feel like it was getting me anywhere. I know I should find jay in the little things but the little things become redundant and....fall to the wayside. I begin to take them for granted quickly. There is so much sadness and strife that I'm tired of writing about it, I just want to feel better, I want to be happy for a change. I want to feel beautiful on the inside and out. I want what seems to be unattainable, like winning the lottery. I need to give it all to GOD but I have no idea how to do that and/or where to start. I'm tired of being depressed, I just want to be ok, have a good disposition and stop constantly stressing over money and love and things that I can't control evidently. I've falling off reading devotion everyday. I know I need GOD but....I'm not sure how to live my life that way. I stay in prayer but it doesn't seem to be working. I'm just...so confused I wish the answers lied somewhere and were easy enough to read and understand or just be able to wake up and have the knowledge. But it doesn't seem to be that simple. I feel that I am at a crossroads in my life and the next decision I make could determine a positive or negative change in the long run. I feel like it's a race against the clock and I'm loosing. Everyday......
It is because of our trusting in experience that we see the steadfast impatience of the Holy Spirit against unbelief. All of our fears are sinful, and we create our own fears by refusing to nourish ourselves in our faith. How can anyone who is identified with Jesus Christ suffer from doubt or fear! Our lives should be an absolute hymn of praise resulting from perfect, irrepressible, triumphant belief.
I need this today. I'm battling through my emotions. I'm hurting on the inside because I haven't found love yet. I've loved someone and yes, I've been in love but in my adult life, I haven't found love. I constantly pick myself apart to find out what I'm doing wrong. I starve myself in order to loose weight, I keep my hair up, face and trilogy waxed. I maintain myself thoroughly and still nothing. So I'm finished with my search. I know people say 'give it to GOD' but that is very difficult for me to do. I am so in control of my career, my home and most other aspects of my life then love. I'm depressed because I haven't found love in my timeframe while my faith has taught me that it's not my timeframe that matters. I've veered away from my faither recently, questioned it actually because I didn't feel like it was getting me anywhere. I know I should find jay in the little things but the little things become redundant and....fall to the wayside. I begin to take them for granted quickly. There is so much sadness and strife that I'm tired of writing about it, I just want to feel better, I want to be happy for a change. I want to feel beautiful on the inside and out. I want what seems to be unattainable, like winning the lottery. I need to give it all to GOD but I have no idea how to do that and/or where to start. I'm tired of being depressed, I just want to be ok, have a good disposition and stop constantly stressing over money and love and things that I can't control evidently. I've falling off reading devotion everyday. I know I need GOD but....I'm not sure how to live my life that way. I stay in prayer but it doesn't seem to be working. I'm just...so confused I wish the answers lied somewhere and were easy enough to read and understand or just be able to wake up and have the knowledge. But it doesn't seem to be that simple. I feel that I am at a crossroads in my life and the next decision I make could determine a positive or negative change in the long run. I feel like it's a race against the clock and I'm loosing. Everyday......
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Random Thoughts of the Day
My daughter is a fun person to be around. When I came home, I got a kiss, big hug and she did my hair for me. So sweet.
Even though I like my job, doesn't mean it isn't bullshit. Read in the handbook that we don't get paid if they close due to inclimate weather. WTF is this?
I need a vacation, adding that to the '2009 Goal List'.
I need to work on my self esteem. It has highs and lows and recently I've been on a low. I need to get to a nice happy medium.
I watched the Kim K./Ray J porn again today and....they were chewing gum the WHOLE TIME. WTF, he's eating her out chewing gum, he's fucking her and they both chewing gum STILL, she sucking his dick and still chewing the gum. It takes skills to keep chewing and keep up a good talk game in my opinion. And she still gets mad props for swallowing.....
Bad habits are hard to break and I need to go back to reading scripture EVERYDAY.
Vengeance is not mine and I cannot push it along at my own will. Their time will come.
I now know where the stereotypical Baby Mom came from. Her name is Sha-something and she lives in North Philly. Hopefully the JaMerican is man enough to withstand her fury. My mouth is still open from Sunday afternoon. Too much drama.
Kanye West is quoted as saying he's looking for a wife and then compares (likens it's cause) it to the fact that his mom died and he has no woman in his life. Wow. Be careful ladies b/c there's so baggage here foreal.
Yo Gabba Gabba is one of the best kids shows on the air right now! Don't sleep, it looks retarded but seed LOVES it and it has a positive message.
I'm an excellent mom.
I need a dude to let his tongue do the walking down my clitoris....a couple times.
I feel bad for BD (even though he's a bitchass dude). I can't believe his girl is this stupid and I think sis is plotting something. There's no way she's letting this dude talk to her the way he comes off at the mouth to me. The dick is NOT, I repeat NOT that good for her to abandon her son some 3k miles away to be with my baby dad. His tongue skills are hot but that's because I taught him but that gets old after awhile b/c....let's face it most women who sleep with men aren't lesbians. I was talking to BD ex and she said old girl is going to devastate him something terrible. Even though I smiled, I feel bad. Hope he lands on his feet.
On another note, that pussy told me to go to court and 'give up' the $500/month he pays for child support, then and only then can I say I raise her by myself. You gotta be fucking kidding me? This is where my right to bear arms comes in b/c this muthafucka needs to be pistol whipped in the worse way. Or just some Wu-Tang type torture maybe. Can't believe he had the audacity......getting hype now just thinking about it. Man, if I had a long sock and some rocks.....
Maseltov (sp), it's a celebration bitches!
I put gas in my car today for under $40. For a minute I was hype until reality set in and I remembered that my 401k isn't worth shit. But at least I can drive to work :(
The media (both foreign and domestic) are painting Barack as some sort of savior and I'm getting very uncomfortable with this. I'm sure he knows he has to show and prove but...jeeze wth are they expecting him to do. The man isn't even officially president yet and they stalking his every move like he's the Beatles. Disney offered the girls parts on Hannah Montana (Michele, back away from that mess very, very slowly) both the show and the movie, the dress that little Sasha had on election night (which was straight off the rack) has completely sold out EVERYWHERE! I'm waiting for the rockstar media attention to simmer down a bit but who knows when that will be. I just want everyone to be more realistic. I'm scared for this family, I don't know if they're built for this type of constant attention. Yeah they've been campaigning for two years almost but.....it's a whole different level now. Godspeed to the Obamas.
I gotta do something about my diet and eating habits. I'm not longer working in the city and I need to adjust my food intake. All my clothes are still too big but....idk I don't want there to be any problems, I need to maintain my curvy figure.
Christmas is coming and I'm broke. This may be a dollar store Christmas this year.
Tired of stressing, tired of the pain and sorrow. I need to find happiness in something new or in something around me that I'm not noticing to begin with. I gotta do something b/c this depression is bad. I'm a functioning depressant but it's starting to show outward. Gotta get through this.
I need to win the lottery.
Still in love, still trying to practice patience and still looking like an asshole in the process :) but I'm optimistic about my fairy tail ending, whether it's with him or not.
Even though I like my job, doesn't mean it isn't bullshit. Read in the handbook that we don't get paid if they close due to inclimate weather. WTF is this?
I need a vacation, adding that to the '2009 Goal List'.
I need to work on my self esteem. It has highs and lows and recently I've been on a low. I need to get to a nice happy medium.
I watched the Kim K./Ray J porn again today and....they were chewing gum the WHOLE TIME. WTF, he's eating her out chewing gum, he's fucking her and they both chewing gum STILL, she sucking his dick and still chewing the gum. It takes skills to keep chewing and keep up a good talk game in my opinion. And she still gets mad props for swallowing.....
Bad habits are hard to break and I need to go back to reading scripture EVERYDAY.
Vengeance is not mine and I cannot push it along at my own will. Their time will come.
I now know where the stereotypical Baby Mom came from. Her name is Sha-something and she lives in North Philly. Hopefully the JaMerican is man enough to withstand her fury. My mouth is still open from Sunday afternoon. Too much drama.
Kanye West is quoted as saying he's looking for a wife and then compares (likens it's cause) it to the fact that his mom died and he has no woman in his life. Wow. Be careful ladies b/c there's so baggage here foreal.
Yo Gabba Gabba is one of the best kids shows on the air right now! Don't sleep, it looks retarded but seed LOVES it and it has a positive message.
I'm an excellent mom.
I need a dude to let his tongue do the walking down my clitoris....a couple times.
I feel bad for BD (even though he's a bitchass dude). I can't believe his girl is this stupid and I think sis is plotting something. There's no way she's letting this dude talk to her the way he comes off at the mouth to me. The dick is NOT, I repeat NOT that good for her to abandon her son some 3k miles away to be with my baby dad. His tongue skills are hot but that's because I taught him but that gets old after awhile b/c....let's face it most women who sleep with men aren't lesbians. I was talking to BD ex and she said old girl is going to devastate him something terrible. Even though I smiled, I feel bad. Hope he lands on his feet.
On another note, that pussy told me to go to court and 'give up' the $500/month he pays for child support, then and only then can I say I raise her by myself. You gotta be fucking kidding me? This is where my right to bear arms comes in b/c this muthafucka needs to be pistol whipped in the worse way. Or just some Wu-Tang type torture maybe. Can't believe he had the audacity......getting hype now just thinking about it. Man, if I had a long sock and some rocks.....
Maseltov (sp), it's a celebration bitches!
I put gas in my car today for under $40. For a minute I was hype until reality set in and I remembered that my 401k isn't worth shit. But at least I can drive to work :(
The media (both foreign and domestic) are painting Barack as some sort of savior and I'm getting very uncomfortable with this. I'm sure he knows he has to show and prove but...jeeze wth are they expecting him to do. The man isn't even officially president yet and they stalking his every move like he's the Beatles. Disney offered the girls parts on Hannah Montana (Michele, back away from that mess very, very slowly) both the show and the movie, the dress that little Sasha had on election night (which was straight off the rack) has completely sold out EVERYWHERE! I'm waiting for the rockstar media attention to simmer down a bit but who knows when that will be. I just want everyone to be more realistic. I'm scared for this family, I don't know if they're built for this type of constant attention. Yeah they've been campaigning for two years almost but.....it's a whole different level now. Godspeed to the Obamas.
I gotta do something about my diet and eating habits. I'm not longer working in the city and I need to adjust my food intake. All my clothes are still too big but....idk I don't want there to be any problems, I need to maintain my curvy figure.
Christmas is coming and I'm broke. This may be a dollar store Christmas this year.
Tired of stressing, tired of the pain and sorrow. I need to find happiness in something new or in something around me that I'm not noticing to begin with. I gotta do something b/c this depression is bad. I'm a functioning depressant but it's starting to show outward. Gotta get through this.
I need to win the lottery.
Still in love, still trying to practice patience and still looking like an asshole in the process :) but I'm optimistic about my fairy tail ending, whether it's with him or not.
Friday, November 7, 2008
OBama For Ya Mama
So it's official, the 44th President of the United States is Barack Obama. I have never been so proud to be not only an American but an African American in my life. Today I went to lunch and was totally ok that I was the only black person for miles. Why? Because the President is black.
I want to take this time to speak out to all my young brothers out there. Please take a long, hard look at Barack Obama and what he has built. Recognize the fact that he wouldn't be in this position without the love, respect and hard work of Michelle Obama. A woman he calls his rock, his best friend and is proud to call his wife. The man and woman have accomplished what no other black couple has been able to and this should be a lesson to all of you. Every single one of you that makes excuses as to why you're not ready to commit. Because your baby mom is crazy (because I NEVER knew the meaning of 'crazy baby mom until this weekend) or because you're constantly chasing paper, look what you could've accomplished had you slowed down and took the time to build something with a wonderful woman who you probably let get away. You could be anything, even President of the United States. You have no idea how many times men say 'I'm focusing on my career' or 'I need to finish school'. President Elect was a law intern when he met Michele and knew he needed her to accomplish his dreams. Sis held it down while he did his political thing, gave the man two beautiful babies and look where that has gotten her. She's been quoted as saying that she told him if his run for Senator didn't work, that was it, she wasn't doing it anymore. Get it Shelly, let him know.
Hopefully, this presidency not only means good things for the county but it will redefine the black family and cause some of these statistics to go down and the result will end in more positive role models for black children. Everybody wins.
So please take heed, and from this point on keep your eyes open for 'the one' and what you meet her, ask yourself 'could this woman be my Michelle'?
So proud to be an African American these days.....
I want to take this time to speak out to all my young brothers out there. Please take a long, hard look at Barack Obama and what he has built. Recognize the fact that he wouldn't be in this position without the love, respect and hard work of Michelle Obama. A woman he calls his rock, his best friend and is proud to call his wife. The man and woman have accomplished what no other black couple has been able to and this should be a lesson to all of you. Every single one of you that makes excuses as to why you're not ready to commit. Because your baby mom is crazy (because I NEVER knew the meaning of 'crazy baby mom until this weekend) or because you're constantly chasing paper, look what you could've accomplished had you slowed down and took the time to build something with a wonderful woman who you probably let get away. You could be anything, even President of the United States. You have no idea how many times men say 'I'm focusing on my career' or 'I need to finish school'. President Elect was a law intern when he met Michele and knew he needed her to accomplish his dreams. Sis held it down while he did his political thing, gave the man two beautiful babies and look where that has gotten her. She's been quoted as saying that she told him if his run for Senator didn't work, that was it, she wasn't doing it anymore. Get it Shelly, let him know.
Hopefully, this presidency not only means good things for the county but it will redefine the black family and cause some of these statistics to go down and the result will end in more positive role models for black children. Everybody wins.
So please take heed, and from this point on keep your eyes open for 'the one' and what you meet her, ask yourself 'could this woman be my Michelle'?
So proud to be an African American these days.....
Sunday, November 2, 2008
2am Randomness
If it isn't love, why do I feel this way, why does he stay on my mind. And if it isn't love why does it hurt so bad, make me feel so sad inside.
I just left a wonderful new addition to my life and all I can think about is HIMM. Maybe I'm overreacting but regardless, I'm still hurting.
I just left a wonderful new addition to my life and all I can think about is HIMM. Maybe I'm overreacting but regardless, I'm still hurting.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
LoveFool
"I sat here starin' at the same old wall
Came back to life just when I got your call
I wished I could climb right through the telephone line
And give you what you want so you will still be mine, hey, hey"
Came back to life just when I got your call
I wished I could climb right through the telephone line
And give you what you want so you will still be mine, hey, hey"
Peaches & Herb "Reunited"
I go cold turkey. Thoughts of him consume my day and make it hard to concentrate or anything else. I limit contact and each day I tell myself I'm making a clean break. He must sense it because he calls, indulges me in coversation not knowing that just the sound of his voice makes me giddy. Another call, second day in a row. A voicemail saying he's thinking about me. I loose myself, all composure in fact and resort back to the old me. He messages. Says he's out celebrating. Evidently with someone who is not me. I check into the HeartBreak Hotel once again. Anger, sadness and questions swarm and take over me. Who knows what he's doing and how did I get back to this place. Retail therapy doesn't even work. I am no longer myself as I scramble back to where I once was, the woman I was becoming before the call came. I want to cry but can't. I want to call but refuse to. Instead, I ready for plans tonight but my heart is no longer in it. Where will this lead? Who knows and I'm tired of constantly wondering this. I must move on for my sanity.
Email Forward
I received this in an email this week and thought it was too good to not post.
GO PHILS!
Why white America perhaps fears Michelle more than Barack.
Excerpts from a 'Jack & Jill politics' newsletter:
...as hard as it is to accept a black president, it's even harder to accept a black first lady. First Lady has always held a beloved sentimental mother/wife of the nation symbolism. Conservatives are not ready to have to look at this very BLACK woman with her degrees and her fierceness and see her as the epitome of the American mother/wife. This will be a first for white people. They do not want this black woman in the Whitehouse as their first lady. That New Yorker cartoon was [actually] about Michelle - she was its focal point…..look closely... she is the leader, the one starting the "revolution" they want you to imagine…………
MSNBC's Chris Matthews said, in the course of covering the Obama candidacy, 'He (Barack Obama) brings none of the ' bad stuff, you know?" By 'Bad Stuff', he meant the legacy of [whites] enslaving Africans in this country, keeping them as second-class citizens until 1965, a mere 11 years before this country celebrated its 200th anniversary. You know, 'the original sin', or ' the birth d efect', as Condi Rice called it. Barack escapes this 'bad stuff' only because his mother was white and may have had ancestors involved in the slave trade; and also because Barack's father was not African American. He was full blooded African and therefore Barack had no ancestors enslaved by America - and so the white guilt factor is missing when they think of him. HOWEVER, NO SUCH LUCK WITH MICHELLE!
Michelle Obama is a direct threat and lightening bolt against White Superiority. Because, she's Black… VISIBLY BLACK… But it's important to note, she does not, in any way, shape, or form, contour to the acceptable Black Pathologies that enable White Supremacy to sigh with relief. [welfare mother, fatherless child, druggie, etc.] Michelle was raised in a neighborhood. In a home. With TWO parents. No child revolving in and out of jail. Raised by a Black man who not only provided for his family, but did so, WITH A DISABILITY. Her mother had a working class job - secretary- but it was taken ONLY after she had seen her youngest child settle into HIGH SCHOOL.
Michelle Obama's poise, her confidence, her aura - that was created by that humble Black man, who by all accounts, adored her. He told her that she is worthy, and so, when you have that told to you by the first man who loves and protects you, you seek that validation of that in your choice of mate, you'll settle f or nothing less, and Michelle hasn't.
Michelle Obama, doesn't fit any of the acceptable Black pathologies. And when you don't fit the acceptable Black pathologies, then you must be destroyed. Michelle Obama has become the face of the Black America whose existence is routinely denied by this country. Think about it.
In ONE generation, the face of this 'Invisible America' has gone from living on the top floor of a bungalow, to the possibility of living in The White House. And yet, Michelle Obama, refuses to say ' I' m special", in order to give white America its usual security blanket [that she is one of the exceptions rather than the rule], So what should be done?
Beat her down into submission.
Michelle Obama represents everything we want our daughters to be. When we stand up for her we stand up for ourselves. No other women in the world are more neglected and abused as African women period. Michelle loo ks like [our] daughters, her daughters look like us. We love the way Barack looks at her we adore the way he looks at his daughters. The Obamas represent the hope that we can be loved by our men and they will support us in whatever we do. Little African American girls need a vision and dream of what it is like to be loved by a man who looks just like them.
Is America ready for a First Lady who looks like her? A regular black woman? Not a passable biracial curly haired girl that they call black, but a regular black woman from the south side of Chicago ? With dark skin?
Is she going to be the face of The Woman on the largest pedestal in the country? A self-confessed 'loud-mouth" black woman? If the Obamas succeed, it turns white supremacy upside down. And not because a black man is in the White House; but, because a black woman will be there who didn't have to come in the back door to lie in bed with the president.
Oh shit Jack & Jill? Wow I thought they were a myth. LOL Nuff said, I'm digging this.
GO PHILS!
Why white America perhaps fears Michelle more than Barack.
Excerpts from a 'Jack & Jill politics' newsletter:
...as hard as it is to accept a black president, it's even harder to accept a black first lady. First Lady has always held a beloved sentimental mother/wife of the nation symbolism. Conservatives are not ready to have to look at this very BLACK woman with her degrees and her fierceness and see her as the epitome of the American mother/wife. This will be a first for white people. They do not want this black woman in the Whitehouse as their first lady. That New Yorker cartoon was [actually] about Michelle - she was its focal point…..look closely... she is the leader, the one starting the "revolution" they want you to imagine…………
MSNBC's Chris Matthews said, in the course of covering the Obama candidacy, 'He (Barack Obama) brings none of the ' bad stuff, you know?" By 'Bad Stuff', he meant the legacy of [whites] enslaving Africans in this country, keeping them as second-class citizens until 1965, a mere 11 years before this country celebrated its 200th anniversary. You know, 'the original sin', or ' the birth d efect', as Condi Rice called it. Barack escapes this 'bad stuff' only because his mother was white and may have had ancestors involved in the slave trade; and also because Barack's father was not African American. He was full blooded African and therefore Barack had no ancestors enslaved by America - and so the white guilt factor is missing when they think of him. HOWEVER, NO SUCH LUCK WITH MICHELLE!
Michelle Obama is a direct threat and lightening bolt against White Superiority. Because, she's Black… VISIBLY BLACK… But it's important to note, she does not, in any way, shape, or form, contour to the acceptable Black Pathologies that enable White Supremacy to sigh with relief. [welfare mother, fatherless child, druggie, etc.] Michelle was raised in a neighborhood. In a home. With TWO parents. No child revolving in and out of jail. Raised by a Black man who not only provided for his family, but did so, WITH A DISABILITY. Her mother had a working class job - secretary- but it was taken ONLY after she had seen her youngest child settle into HIGH SCHOOL.
Michelle Obama's poise, her confidence, her aura - that was created by that humble Black man, who by all accounts, adored her. He told her that she is worthy, and so, when you have that told to you by the first man who loves and protects you, you seek that validation of that in your choice of mate, you'll settle f or nothing less, and Michelle hasn't.
Michelle Obama, doesn't fit any of the acceptable Black pathologies. And when you don't fit the acceptable Black pathologies, then you must be destroyed. Michelle Obama has become the face of the Black America whose existence is routinely denied by this country. Think about it.
In ONE generation, the face of this 'Invisible America' has gone from living on the top floor of a bungalow, to the possibility of living in The White House. And yet, Michelle Obama, refuses to say ' I' m special", in order to give white America its usual security blanket [that she is one of the exceptions rather than the rule], So what should be done?
Beat her down into submission.
Michelle Obama represents everything we want our daughters to be. When we stand up for her we stand up for ourselves. No other women in the world are more neglected and abused as African women period. Michelle loo ks like [our] daughters, her daughters look like us. We love the way Barack looks at her we adore the way he looks at his daughters. The Obamas represent the hope that we can be loved by our men and they will support us in whatever we do. Little African American girls need a vision and dream of what it is like to be loved by a man who looks just like them.
Is America ready for a First Lady who looks like her? A regular black woman? Not a passable biracial curly haired girl that they call black, but a regular black woman from the south side of Chicago ? With dark skin?
Is she going to be the face of The Woman on the largest pedestal in the country? A self-confessed 'loud-mouth" black woman? If the Obamas succeed, it turns white supremacy upside down. And not because a black man is in the White House; but, because a black woman will be there who didn't have to come in the back door to lie in bed with the president.
Oh shit Jack & Jill? Wow I thought they were a myth. LOL Nuff said, I'm digging this.
Late Night Quote of the Week
"This week John McCain said that people who live in coastal states like Florida should get more of the money from offshore drilling. I think that's calling 'spreading the wealth around'."
Jay Leno 'The Tonight Show'
Nuff said.
November 4th (Ba)Rock The VOTE!
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Sunday Morning...
I've never been one to implicate that any problems or short-comings in my life are because of the fact that my father walked out on me and my mom when I was just 2 years old. My mom...is a battleaxe to say the least and can be overbearing (that's putting it nicely) but my pop was her husband, for better or for worse and he just left us.
I think this has alot to do with my issues with men. I've never known love from a man that wasn't sexual. No man has ever called me beautiful and (I've felt) actually met it. I'm ok with being sexy. I have a swag that's undeniable but I can't help but to wonder what my life would be like had my pop stayed around. I think I would've been more selective in my choices of men in my life. That I wouldn't cling to the temporary satisfaction that comes with one night stands. I would want better and would not have clamoured for that type of satisfaction. At one point, I couldn't sleep without it, needed to climax just to go to sleep and masturbation wasn't cutting it. I became very aggressive when it came to sex and wasn't afraid to say what I wanted. If my dad stuck around would I have lost that? Hard to tell a man what I'd do to him knowing I had t kiss my pop with that mouth. I'm over my father leaving but because I'm almost thirty I feel like I need to address this issue in order to move into another stage in my life. I want to be married and give my daughter siblings and have the whole American Dream but I think, up until now, this has hindered me. I wouldn't admit this to myself or anyone else. Now that I recognize the problem, I can deal with it and move forward.
Would I have been more focused in college, smarter with my money and possibly a better person? Would I have lost my independence and been 'daddy's girl'? My pop was so proud of me when I went to college and I didn't recognize that until after he died. I do him a disservice b/c I don't know how long it's been since his passing. But the pain that comes, even as I remember his death is wrenching. It's the type of pain that your subconscious forgets to spare you the remembrance. I remember my dad, the last time I saw him he gave me money for school, called me 'Spunky' and went on his way. I get my hustling attitude from him. We're both very secretive and don't like to have to answer alot of questions. He lives in me but if you ask me how long it's been since he's died, I have no idea. I try to live my life as if he was still around, try to make him proud of me everyday. I know he's smiling down on me but I'm selfish and want him here completely forgetting that between the ages of 2 and 11 he wasn't around at all. We were getting close before he passed and it just seems like things were cut short. Never told him I loved him but I hope he knew. Because of my pop's passing, I don't keep my feelings in anymore because we aren't promised another day. I regret so many things I did or didn't do with my pop and I feel like such a bad person because of it.
Settling is not for me. In some situations, people have to settle but I'm not there yet and don't have plans to EVER put myself in that situation. I know who I want to be with, praying to GOD that he's the one for me. He's not perfect, but in my eyes he is and the woman that I am for him is stupendous. My BD would've been a settlement and I can't believe I stuck around that long just because I wanted to be married. I'll admit to my wrongdoings in that relationship but they were NO WHERE CLOSE to his infidelities and lying ass ways. I could've settled and been unhappily married but GOD stepped in (all praises to YOU for that good look, seriously) and rewrote the script. Even though he left me a statistic I'm a better woman because of it and know exactly the woman I need to be for my future husband. I don't expect to have the perfect marriage but I will do everything to make sure my marriage is successful. Will never go to bed angry, keep a clean house, kids on the up-and-up, burn pots like Emeril (maybe just Racheal Ray) and loose my gag reflex on a nightly basis if need be. With all those qualities on a resume, who could pass that up (lol). But right now I'm chasing paper and trying to survive in this economy so this marriage want has been put on the backburner for the time being. But I know my time will come soon.
Felt good to get this off my chest finally. If it's scrambled it's because I was just typing without thinking about structure.....
I think this has alot to do with my issues with men. I've never known love from a man that wasn't sexual. No man has ever called me beautiful and (I've felt) actually met it. I'm ok with being sexy. I have a swag that's undeniable but I can't help but to wonder what my life would be like had my pop stayed around. I think I would've been more selective in my choices of men in my life. That I wouldn't cling to the temporary satisfaction that comes with one night stands. I would want better and would not have clamoured for that type of satisfaction. At one point, I couldn't sleep without it, needed to climax just to go to sleep and masturbation wasn't cutting it. I became very aggressive when it came to sex and wasn't afraid to say what I wanted. If my dad stuck around would I have lost that? Hard to tell a man what I'd do to him knowing I had t kiss my pop with that mouth. I'm over my father leaving but because I'm almost thirty I feel like I need to address this issue in order to move into another stage in my life. I want to be married and give my daughter siblings and have the whole American Dream but I think, up until now, this has hindered me. I wouldn't admit this to myself or anyone else. Now that I recognize the problem, I can deal with it and move forward.
Would I have been more focused in college, smarter with my money and possibly a better person? Would I have lost my independence and been 'daddy's girl'? My pop was so proud of me when I went to college and I didn't recognize that until after he died. I do him a disservice b/c I don't know how long it's been since his passing. But the pain that comes, even as I remember his death is wrenching. It's the type of pain that your subconscious forgets to spare you the remembrance. I remember my dad, the last time I saw him he gave me money for school, called me 'Spunky' and went on his way. I get my hustling attitude from him. We're both very secretive and don't like to have to answer alot of questions. He lives in me but if you ask me how long it's been since he's died, I have no idea. I try to live my life as if he was still around, try to make him proud of me everyday. I know he's smiling down on me but I'm selfish and want him here completely forgetting that between the ages of 2 and 11 he wasn't around at all. We were getting close before he passed and it just seems like things were cut short. Never told him I loved him but I hope he knew. Because of my pop's passing, I don't keep my feelings in anymore because we aren't promised another day. I regret so many things I did or didn't do with my pop and I feel like such a bad person because of it.
Settling is not for me. In some situations, people have to settle but I'm not there yet and don't have plans to EVER put myself in that situation. I know who I want to be with, praying to GOD that he's the one for me. He's not perfect, but in my eyes he is and the woman that I am for him is stupendous. My BD would've been a settlement and I can't believe I stuck around that long just because I wanted to be married. I'll admit to my wrongdoings in that relationship but they were NO WHERE CLOSE to his infidelities and lying ass ways. I could've settled and been unhappily married but GOD stepped in (all praises to YOU for that good look, seriously) and rewrote the script. Even though he left me a statistic I'm a better woman because of it and know exactly the woman I need to be for my future husband. I don't expect to have the perfect marriage but I will do everything to make sure my marriage is successful. Will never go to bed angry, keep a clean house, kids on the up-and-up, burn pots like Emeril (maybe just Racheal Ray) and loose my gag reflex on a nightly basis if need be. With all those qualities on a resume, who could pass that up (lol). But right now I'm chasing paper and trying to survive in this economy so this marriage want has been put on the backburner for the time being. But I know my time will come soon.
Felt good to get this off my chest finally. If it's scrambled it's because I was just typing without thinking about structure.....
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Thoughts of the day....
10/25/08
Kimora Lee is a fab chick and the fact that she's not afraid to show she has flaws (wth is up with her neck and she constantly talks about eating) makes me LOVE her. She's a tall chick, not scared to say that she's not a 2 and gives her kids the business on national television. Two snaps for this chick.
*side eye note: why does her highschool friend bear a striking resemblance to her personal assistant AND why is she taking fashion advice from Andre Tangy Talley and his open toe Aladdin slippers?
Rainy days are made for staying in bed, making love, and watching ANYTHING On Demand.
Go PHILS! Rained out or not, let them know PHILLY IS IN THE BUILDING!
When did it stop being ok to go out when you're in a relationship? My homey told me today that he can't go out b/c he's not looking for a girl? WTF? But then again, they're awfully young so maybe they don't understand the importance of 'alone' time. Wow, it makes me wonder if I was that way at 25.
It is sad when people you know, become people you knew... And when you can walk right past someone that at one part in your life was a big part of your life... And how you used to be able to talk to them for hours about the little nothings in life... and now you can barely look at them... ...and all your left with is that aching feeling in your soul...
'I gave my fat clothes to my fat friends'....really BowFlex? Can a statement get any more offending?
Shout out to The Style network for a show like 'Ruby' that shows the world how obesity is an epidemic and how society treats these people is vulgar and cruel. Just because you weigh 400+lbs does not mean you're a walking joke.
You can be fierce at any age and any style, it's all how you work it. Other thick girls check my fresh daily.
No one on the corner has swagger like me.
Cheers to all the twenty-something girls about to enter the valley of the thirty-something women. Anxiously awaiting the crossing over ceremony.
Any word from the love of my life instantly brightens my day. Damn shame the way that man puts a smile on my face.
VH1's 'I Love The...' series are the best thing to happen to television in awhile.
What happened the The World Series of Pop Culture on VH1? Let's get rid of 'I Love Money' and 'Real Change at Love' and put those funds towards good, quality television programming for a change.
You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. - thanks MWBeezy
There is something to be said for loving your job. Every morning I wake up, I can't WAIT to go to work. I used to envy what I've become and I wish this blessing to all those that are close to me.
Hard to pay attention when you don't care and/or have lost interest.
Is Puffy mad b/c he wasn't invited to be on T.I.'s 'Swagga Like Us'?
Wake up bitches, it's Bey Season. Word on the block is one of the dancers in 'Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)' is a tranny. Get it Bey, keeping the kids employed.
Ladies, there is truth to the old saying 'what you don't do another woman will'. If your dude is not fucking you, bet money he's fucking someone else. Better yet, I can guarantee it. Jerking off is a temporary fix but that shit gets tired after awhile. I'm not saying be a complete whore (hell you gotta save something for the wedding night) but.....to shut it down completely, is not a good idea. Yes he loves you but love and sex don't always go hand and hand. Be wise....
Sometimes it is in your best interest to take a step back and assess (re-assess) the situation before making a decision. Fast thinking doesn't always ensure the correct decision will be reached.
Kimora Lee is a fab chick and the fact that she's not afraid to show she has flaws (wth is up with her neck and she constantly talks about eating) makes me LOVE her. She's a tall chick, not scared to say that she's not a 2 and gives her kids the business on national television. Two snaps for this chick.
*side eye note: why does her highschool friend bear a striking resemblance to her personal assistant AND why is she taking fashion advice from Andre Tangy Talley and his open toe Aladdin slippers?
Rainy days are made for staying in bed, making love, and watching ANYTHING On Demand.
Go PHILS! Rained out or not, let them know PHILLY IS IN THE BUILDING!
When did it stop being ok to go out when you're in a relationship? My homey told me today that he can't go out b/c he's not looking for a girl? WTF? But then again, they're awfully young so maybe they don't understand the importance of 'alone' time. Wow, it makes me wonder if I was that way at 25.
It is sad when people you know, become people you knew... And when you can walk right past someone that at one part in your life was a big part of your life... And how you used to be able to talk to them for hours about the little nothings in life... and now you can barely look at them... ...and all your left with is that aching feeling in your soul...
'I gave my fat clothes to my fat friends'....really BowFlex? Can a statement get any more offending?
Shout out to The Style network for a show like 'Ruby' that shows the world how obesity is an epidemic and how society treats these people is vulgar and cruel. Just because you weigh 400+lbs does not mean you're a walking joke.
You can be fierce at any age and any style, it's all how you work it. Other thick girls check my fresh daily.
No one on the corner has swagger like me.
Cheers to all the twenty-something girls about to enter the valley of the thirty-something women. Anxiously awaiting the crossing over ceremony.
Any word from the love of my life instantly brightens my day. Damn shame the way that man puts a smile on my face.
VH1's 'I Love The...' series are the best thing to happen to television in awhile.
What happened the The World Series of Pop Culture on VH1? Let's get rid of 'I Love Money' and 'Real Change at Love' and put those funds towards good, quality television programming for a change.
You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. - thanks MWBeezy
There is something to be said for loving your job. Every morning I wake up, I can't WAIT to go to work. I used to envy what I've become and I wish this blessing to all those that are close to me.
Hard to pay attention when you don't care and/or have lost interest.
Is Puffy mad b/c he wasn't invited to be on T.I.'s 'Swagga Like Us'?
Wake up bitches, it's Bey Season. Word on the block is one of the dancers in 'Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)' is a tranny. Get it Bey, keeping the kids employed.
Ladies, there is truth to the old saying 'what you don't do another woman will'. If your dude is not fucking you, bet money he's fucking someone else. Better yet, I can guarantee it. Jerking off is a temporary fix but that shit gets tired after awhile. I'm not saying be a complete whore (hell you gotta save something for the wedding night) but.....to shut it down completely, is not a good idea. Yes he loves you but love and sex don't always go hand and hand. Be wise....
Sometimes it is in your best interest to take a step back and assess (re-assess) the situation before making a decision. Fast thinking doesn't always ensure the correct decision will be reached.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Top Ten
10/20/08
Jehovah witnesses aren't 'allowed' to vote? Since when does religion influence politics? And we all know most witnesses are black.....*side eye
Why do dudes like chicks that watch porn? Is this a rare delicacy?
Who else REALLY wants to see that movie Role Models? 'Let's dance Ben Affleck'.....
White dudes know what's up, they know they weren't met to go at it alone. They go to college, find the right girl, marry her and build with her. Black men constantly chase paper, neglect and play sistas, build themselves up with education and wealth until the only thing left is for them to marry a white girl. And they get ugly white girls too.....wtf?
Why can't my baby father be a sucka instead of the asshole that he is?
Smart women vote for Barack. Nuff said.
Why is CraigsList the best place for jumpoffs, electronics and furniture?
Why is my daughter still up?
Jehovah witnesses aren't 'allowed' to vote? Since when does religion influence politics? And we all know most witnesses are black.....*side eye
Why do dudes like chicks that watch porn? Is this a rare delicacy?
Who else REALLY wants to see that movie Role Models? 'Let's dance Ben Affleck'.....
White dudes know what's up, they know they weren't met to go at it alone. They go to college, find the right girl, marry her and build with her. Black men constantly chase paper, neglect and play sistas, build themselves up with education and wealth until the only thing left is for them to marry a white girl. And they get ugly white girls too.....wtf?
Why can't my baby father be a sucka instead of the asshole that he is?
Smart women vote for Barack. Nuff said.
Why is CraigsList the best place for jumpoffs, electronics and furniture?
Why is my daughter still up?
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Early Sunday Morning...
I was up at 845am, my first thoughts of the day where on HIMM. Can't shake it. Making love on a Sunday morning is devine, one of the greatest fantasies by far. My hormones are racing and I cannont shake these thoughts. I have so much to do today and hopefully my being preoccupied will curb these thoughts. I know he's not thinking about me and all I want to do is throw caution to the wind, go all out guns blazin and profess my love. But that's already happened and we're in the same place. I called this morning because....I just couldn't take it anymore. Left a nice message and immediately turned my phone off. I'm ashamed. I'm such an intelligent woman, why am I such a fool for love?
My words for him today:
'I am glad at least in my life I found someone
That may not be here forever to see me through,
But I found strength in you,
only pray that I have shown you a brighter day,
Because thats all that I am living for, you see,
Dont worry what happens to me.
Cause in my mind, you will stay here always,
In love, you and i, you and i, you and i, you and i
In my mind we can conquer the world
In love, you and i, you and i, you and i.'
My words for him today:
'I am glad at least in my life I found someone
That may not be here forever to see me through,
But I found strength in you,
only pray that I have shown you a brighter day,
Because thats all that I am living for, you see,
Dont worry what happens to me.
Cause in my mind, you will stay here always,
In love, you and i, you and i, you and i, you and i
In my mind we can conquer the world
In love, you and i, you and i, you and i.'
- Stevie Wonder 'You and I'
That's me....on a Sunday morning....10 am....quoting Stevie Wonder lyrics for this dude.....I got it bad.
Retract....
I need to retract my earlier post ('Why Is It That' 10/18/08)...or at least alter it.
The love of my life has the biggest dick I've ever had (proud to say I take ALL of his 11"), he should be in porn and he puts in WERK. Wall climbing, panting, name screaming, dehydrating, shit talking, muscle pulling, toe curling werk. Last time, he was doing push ups in the pussy...my gwad. So it's not just dudes with little dicks, it's just lazy dudes.....
The love of my life has the biggest dick I've ever had (proud to say I take ALL of his 11"), he should be in porn and he puts in WERK. Wall climbing, panting, name screaming, dehydrating, shit talking, muscle pulling, toe curling werk. Last time, he was doing push ups in the pussy...my gwad. So it's not just dudes with little dicks, it's just lazy dudes.....
Saturday, October 18, 2008
What A Girl Wants.....
1) A gentleman who opens the door for her.
2) The valet taken care of without asking.
3) Help with her coat.
4) You to make sure she's inside before you drive away.
5) Flowers.
2) The valet taken care of without asking.
3) Help with her coat.
4) You to make sure she's inside before you drive away.
5) Flowers.
Why Is It That...
...dudes with the smallest dicks put in the most work. Back breaking, wall climbing, knees-to-your-shoulders type work. I'm talking legs spread in a 'V', mouth on your clit, chin in your anus while he hums the Star Spangled Banner work. The kind of work you only tell your girls about when you're drunk enough. Why can't your main dude put in as much w0rk as your jumpoff? I ponder....
Do You Know What Today Is?
Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It) Beyoncé Music Video MTV
It's officially Bey Day, better yet it's Bey Season. GET IT BITCH, GET IT. Let them know Bey, BSpears got nothing on you. Just because she nekkid in her tired ass video doesn't mean she holds a candle to my girl Bey. Feeling this beat, feeling the fossie-ness of it all. FIERCE AND FEROUCHE. She made this one for the kids (snap in a circle 3 times). The abstract, black and white, pop-lock-and-drop-it-ness of the entire vid makes you wanna practice in the mirror for your dude. Not exactly feeling the lyrics b/c I'm not sure what a ring as to do with backing it up on a random club dude but if it's a BillBoard Top Ten GET IT BEY. I've seen the track list from the upcoming CD 'I Am' and Bey is embracing her alter ego quite nicely and turning it into a marketing scheme. Who needs therapy when you can pop your hips in 4" stilettos? Looking forward to the album Bey.
*was having problems posting the vid directly to the site, please click the link to see the video in its entirety.
It's officially Bey Day, better yet it's Bey Season. GET IT BITCH, GET IT. Let them know Bey, BSpears got nothing on you. Just because she nekkid in her tired ass video doesn't mean she holds a candle to my girl Bey. Feeling this beat, feeling the fossie-ness of it all. FIERCE AND FEROUCHE. She made this one for the kids (snap in a circle 3 times). The abstract, black and white, pop-lock-and-drop-it-ness of the entire vid makes you wanna practice in the mirror for your dude. Not exactly feeling the lyrics b/c I'm not sure what a ring as to do with backing it up on a random club dude but if it's a BillBoard Top Ten GET IT BEY. I've seen the track list from the upcoming CD 'I Am' and Bey is embracing her alter ego quite nicely and turning it into a marketing scheme. Who needs therapy when you can pop your hips in 4" stilettos? Looking forward to the album Bey.
*was having problems posting the vid directly to the site, please click the link to see the video in its entirety.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Glam God my ass...
WE DON'T BELIEVE YOU VIVICA, YOU NEED MORE PEOPLE....
What the fuck is this bafoonery on VH1, Glam God? Are you kidding me. For the finally, they get to style HER? VFox new alterego is TiTi Banks (bka Tyra Banks). All about them huh? Wow, I say. It's late and a bitch got a meeting at 8am I gotta get some rest but I WILL speak on this tomorrow night.
What the fuck is this bafoonery on VH1, Glam God? Are you kidding me. For the finally, they get to style HER? VFox new alterego is TiTi Banks (bka Tyra Banks). All about them huh? Wow, I say. It's late and a bitch got a meeting at 8am I gotta get some rest but I WILL speak on this tomorrow night.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
All That I Can Say....
I got a job and it's the job I've been waiting for. It's a job I can be proud of. And while I'm excited, I am not allowing myself to feel it 100% because I think I lost the love of my life. This is not fair to me so I need to let go and let GOD….Bible study (and my BFFs) brought me to this conclusion today:
Worry is, and will always be, a fatal disease of the Heart, for it's the beginning signals the end of faith. Worry intrudes on God's compassionate ability to provide. When we allow our problems to overshadow God's promises, we unknowingly, doom ourselves to defeat that was never part of God's eternal plansRelease the regrets of yesterday, refuse the fears of tomorrow and receive instead, the peace of today. WORRYING DOESN'T SOLVE ANYTHING, INSTEAD IT HURTS EVERYTHING. Simply let go and let GOD be GOD. Live this and be eternally blessed.
Love my BFFs for this one. This came right on time a sista needed the reassurance. I love him, always will. Put myself out on front street all crazy and am awaiting the outcome. If I come out on top, that's wassup. If not, I'll have to move on. I'm tired of being lonely, tired of doing it all myself and having no one but me. A girl can only take so much. I know the timetable is not mine to choose but…I'm a pessimist and ridiculously impatient, two virtues that probably have worked against me more then with me. If it was met to be, GOD will make it so. I'm not responsible for his soul until it directly effects me but due to my feelings for him, I'm still hurt to know he's sticking his face between other female's legs. That's natural. It's how I deal with it, that sets me apart and will make me a stronger/better woman. So I'm working on that as we speak but had to blog about it to get it off my chest.
Letting go…..and letting GOD in 5…..4…..3…..2…..1……
Worry is, and will always be, a fatal disease of the Heart, for it's the beginning signals the end of faith. Worry intrudes on God's compassionate ability to provide. When we allow our problems to overshadow God's promises, we unknowingly, doom ourselves to defeat that was never part of God's eternal plansRelease the regrets of yesterday, refuse the fears of tomorrow and receive instead, the peace of today. WORRYING DOESN'T SOLVE ANYTHING, INSTEAD IT HURTS EVERYTHING. Simply let go and let GOD be GOD. Live this and be eternally blessed.
Love my BFFs for this one. This came right on time a sista needed the reassurance. I love him, always will. Put myself out on front street all crazy and am awaiting the outcome. If I come out on top, that's wassup. If not, I'll have to move on. I'm tired of being lonely, tired of doing it all myself and having no one but me. A girl can only take so much. I know the timetable is not mine to choose but…I'm a pessimist and ridiculously impatient, two virtues that probably have worked against me more then with me. If it was met to be, GOD will make it so. I'm not responsible for his soul until it directly effects me but due to my feelings for him, I'm still hurt to know he's sticking his face between other female's legs. That's natural. It's how I deal with it, that sets me apart and will make me a stronger/better woman. So I'm working on that as we speak but had to blog about it to get it off my chest.
Letting go…..and letting GOD in 5…..4…..3…..2…..1……
Monday, October 13, 2008
Devotion
Moses saw the oppression of his people and felt certain that he was the one to deliver them, and in the righteous indignation of his own spirit he started to right their wrongs. After he launched his first strike for God and for what was right, God allowed Moses to be driven into empty discouragement, sending him into the desert to feed sheep for forty years. At the end of that time, God appeared to Moses and said to him, " ’. . . bring My people . . . out of Egypt.’ But Moses said to God, ’Who am I that I should go
We may have the vision of God and a very clear understanding of what God wants, and yet when we start to do it, there comes to us something equivalent to Moses’ forty years in the wilderness. It’s as if God had ignored the entire thing, and when we are thoroughly discouraged, God comes back and revives His call to us.
We are focused on the right individual perspective of things; we have the vision and can say, "I know this is what God wants me to do." But we have not yet learned to get into God’s stride. If you are going through a time of discouragement, there is a time of great personal growth ahead.
40 years of self improvement? Seriously? People back in the day were devoted. Hope GOD knows what year it is cause 40 years is not gonna cut it. I don't have that kinda time so we're going to have to speed it up a little bit :) Like I said, anxious to see where the cards fall.
We may have the vision of God and a very clear understanding of what God wants, and yet when we start to do it, there comes to us something equivalent to Moses’ forty years in the wilderness. It’s as if God had ignored the entire thing, and when we are thoroughly discouraged, God comes back and revives His call to us.
We are focused on the right individual perspective of things; we have the vision and can say, "I know this is what God wants me to do." But we have not yet learned to get into God’s stride. If you are going through a time of discouragement, there is a time of great personal growth ahead.
40 years of self improvement? Seriously? People back in the day were devoted. Hope GOD knows what year it is cause 40 years is not gonna cut it. I don't have that kinda time so we're going to have to speed it up a little bit :) Like I said, anxious to see where the cards fall.
Slowly Surely
Slowly surely, I walk away from that old desperate and dazed love caught up in the maze of love the crazy craze of love thought it was good thought it was real thought it was but it wasn't love I just don't know Where i should go So Slowly surely I walk away from self-serving undeserving constantly hurting me love deserting me love you said, I said, we said but Slowly surely I walk away from confusing love misusing love abusing love this can't be
- Jill Scott 'Slowly, Surely' Who Is Jill Scott? Words & Sounds Vol. 1
Jill is the realest bitch EVER and once again, she came along at the right time. I was reminising about this weekend and letting it take over me at work when the magical Zune came through once again with this. I pray for the hurt and pain to subside in my heart and for nothing to be affected but my personal growth in this. Anxious to see what the outcome will be but will make sure I'm occupied in the meantime. I'm not ashamed of what I've revealed, but I'm scared of the outcome and am constantly second guessing my decision to even put myself on front street like I did. But I'm grown, I did it, take responsibility for it....will sit back and anxiously see what happens....
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Lessons Learned
When you fall in love, especially unconditional love, it's the fear of the unknown and the hope of what is to come that keeps you constantly chasing that feeling. But once ignorance is removed from the equation and reality sets in, the pain is much harder to deal with.
I don't want to be alone anymore, I want to share my life with someone.
Applications are being accepted and interviews will begin next week. Praying that the right man comes my way...
I don't want to be alone anymore, I want to share my life with someone.
Applications are being accepted and interviews will begin next week. Praying that the right man comes my way...
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Dontchathink....
...that SNL needs to be taken off the air? It's not even funny anymore it's just...whack. When Amy Pohler comes back from maternity leave, move her over the 30 Rock where she can showcase her talent and hilariousness (Baby Mama, that's ALL I have to say) and lets call it a wrap for SNL shall we. It's really.....sad. Like watching your drunk uncle try to recite....hell anything. I just finished watching the Weekend Update from Thursday with my mouth open the entire time, I didn't laugh once. Hall and Oates? And WTF was the fat black dude from Nickelodeon screaming 'Fix It' all about? SNL....used to be such a great show. Steve Martin, Chris Farley (RIP), Eddie Murphy. Now, omg it's so so horrible.
BUT HOW FUCIN FUNNY IS 30 Rock! I know I'm not the only one looking forward to not only the season premiere but the big O is making a guest appearance! Wow, Oprah? There are so many things that can be said but just her name alone is all the explanation you need. Has O been on SNL? No so let's just call it a wrap SNL and bow out gracefully.
BUT HOW FUCIN FUNNY IS 30 Rock! I know I'm not the only one looking forward to not only the season premiere but the big O is making a guest appearance! Wow, Oprah? There are so many things that can be said but just her name alone is all the explanation you need. Has O been on SNL? No so let's just call it a wrap SNL and bow out gracefully.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Things I've learned...
MAC is the only foundation that you can sleep in and not have to worry about breakouts....it better be as much as I spend on it....
And Neutrogena Makeup Removing Cleansing Cloths ($7 at your local Target) are the must have neccessity of ANY season.
And Neutrogena Makeup Removing Cleansing Cloths ($7 at your local Target) are the must have neccessity of ANY season.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Thoughts of the day....
1) Jail is no joke. If that's what's rap is glamorizing then now I totally understand parent's concern.
2) It feels great to love someone righteously. I can tell my children and my grandchildren that I have experienced unconditional love and the perils of heartbreak that are sure to follow when you love that hard and it's not reciprocated.
3) Seed = Me(10)........ and I love it.
4) New Jersey is a hustling state and it constantly has it's hand in my pocket. I'm not one to keep getting hustled, so I need to move.
5) I hate working for a living and still not having enough to get through the week.
6) SAP sucks and I wish someone would stand up and say that shit and stop giving them BILLIONS of dollars
7) If the heads of AIG were black, just how far would the gobment go to get them 'golden parachutes' back?
8) Jill Scott comes along at just the right time no matter where I am, what I'm doing.
9) The Zune is the most underrated device out there. Wireless syncing people, that's all I have to say.
10) Did we all witness the fall of the McCain campaign in last night's debate?
11) You find out who your true friends are (and your true friend's baby dad) when you're in the most trouble. Shout out to Kelly, her baby dad, Malc Breezy and my cousin (big brother) James for looking a sister out when she was down and out today.
12) GOD teaches the most important lessons through experience, and I've learned ALOT.
13) You'd think after all I've been through, I'd be a more responsible person and make better decisions.
14) I'm not as grown as I portray myself to be.
15) 2009: The Year ALL My Debt Disappears - by any means necessary.
2) It feels great to love someone righteously. I can tell my children and my grandchildren that I have experienced unconditional love and the perils of heartbreak that are sure to follow when you love that hard and it's not reciprocated.
3) Seed = Me(10)........ and I love it.
4) New Jersey is a hustling state and it constantly has it's hand in my pocket. I'm not one to keep getting hustled, so I need to move.
5) I hate working for a living and still not having enough to get through the week.
6) SAP sucks and I wish someone would stand up and say that shit and stop giving them BILLIONS of dollars
7) If the heads of AIG were black, just how far would the gobment go to get them 'golden parachutes' back?
8) Jill Scott comes along at just the right time no matter where I am, what I'm doing.
9) The Zune is the most underrated device out there. Wireless syncing people, that's all I have to say.
10) Did we all witness the fall of the McCain campaign in last night's debate?
11) You find out who your true friends are (and your true friend's baby dad) when you're in the most trouble. Shout out to Kelly, her baby dad, Malc Breezy and my cousin (big brother) James for looking a sister out when she was down and out today.
12) GOD teaches the most important lessons through experience, and I've learned ALOT.
13) You'd think after all I've been through, I'd be a more responsible person and make better decisions.
14) I'm not as grown as I portray myself to be.
15) 2009: The Year ALL My Debt Disappears - by any means necessary.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Last Night The DJ Saved My Life?.....not at all
I actually stayed up for that bullshit. If that wasn't the WHACKEST shows ever.....I don't know what was. First of all, Cypress Hill? Foreal? My homey said they brought the Latino vibe to Hip Hop. To me it sounded like...they brought rock to hip hop. When I think Latinos in Hip Hop, I think Big Pun and Fat Joe not Cypress Hill. I mean I was digging 'Insane In The Membrane' but beyond that...nope wasn't feeling it.
Did anyone other then me notice how dead the crowd was when Too Short was up there? Ok nuff said. I'm not taking anything from him but....I wasn't digging his music like that. Snoop and Dre? OH HELL YEAH but dis nigga Too Short, naw sorry dude wasn't feeling you like that.
Slick Rick has an eye patch for every outfit huh? I never knew that, guess your girl was too young. But he was on it last night. Pink, bling, neon green. Wow.......
Naughty By Nature....is getting fat and old but I want a Naughty By Nature shirt though. On the real, I'd rock that HARD. But did anyone else notice Trench rub his beater on his dick and throw it at some girls in the crowd? Wow Trench you're relly reliving your golden days huh? You didn't have that many hits from the door so calm down my friend. And how many people were in this dudes crew? Naughty came out and so did....like 98 other people. WTF?? Seriously you still roll with that many people.
The best performance of the night was the tribute to Issac Hayes. ROOTS CREW REPRESENTING! I'm a Questlove groupie so I'm bias but out of everything on that whack ass show, they were my highlight. Wait let me rephrase, the tribute was the best portion of the show.
Ok, so the preformers. Fab and Juelz didn't know the words to the songs. Wow dudes, freshen up on it before you come out. Not sure what the meaning of Estelle was and/or Eve but they looked nice. Again Too Short was lacking as was Cypress Hill. But as it is well known, this entire thing is put together by Fab 5 Freddy (the dude from YO! MTV Raps when MTV was more music videos then reality TV). So I think it's whomever is greasing his pockets gets honored. That's the only explaination for this whack ass show. See that's my point is there a ballot that goes out and average people vote or is it all Fab 5? Something just doesn't smell right with that. Where's Heavy D? Kid n Play? Don't front them House Party movies did good things for hip hop. Leaders of the New School? What they need to do is Jay and Nas. That's the show right there WHAT, The Roc and The Firm?!?!
The best Hip Hop Honors: 2005 (Nelly and Ciara 'Doin It' and if you don't agree that Big Daddy Kane put on the best show that night, something is wrong with you) and 2007 (Nelly's swexy ass doing the whop to The Freaks Come Out At Night and ALL of the Missy tributes). 2007 with Missy.....what that chick has done for hip hop is undescribable on the real. Her beats, her colabs are just sick. That was a good pick right there! 2005 Big Daddy Kane did a split!! WHAT! I need that on DVD.
The whackness that hit the airwaves Monday night (people who love hip hop also have jobs VH1 so lets get it together as far as the timeframe goes) was disappointing. The bar as been set and they need to come harder and stronger. This half ass nut job.....was not what I was hoping for.
Maybe VH1 should stop spending new programming funds on shows like 'I Love Money' and that retarded I need love show with Chance and the bucktooth retard and bring back the Pop Culture Trivia show. THAT is truly missed. Or up the budget for Hip Hop Honors.....New York does not need another reality show and neither does Flavor Flav. No more of this bafoonery please. Stop funding that bullshit and lets get back to entertainment.......
Did anyone other then me notice how dead the crowd was when Too Short was up there? Ok nuff said. I'm not taking anything from him but....I wasn't digging his music like that. Snoop and Dre? OH HELL YEAH but dis nigga Too Short, naw sorry dude wasn't feeling you like that.
Slick Rick has an eye patch for every outfit huh? I never knew that, guess your girl was too young. But he was on it last night. Pink, bling, neon green. Wow.......
Naughty By Nature....is getting fat and old but I want a Naughty By Nature shirt though. On the real, I'd rock that HARD. But did anyone else notice Trench rub his beater on his dick and throw it at some girls in the crowd? Wow Trench you're relly reliving your golden days huh? You didn't have that many hits from the door so calm down my friend. And how many people were in this dudes crew? Naughty came out and so did....like 98 other people. WTF?? Seriously you still roll with that many people.
The best performance of the night was the tribute to Issac Hayes. ROOTS CREW REPRESENTING! I'm a Questlove groupie so I'm bias but out of everything on that whack ass show, they were my highlight. Wait let me rephrase, the tribute was the best portion of the show.
Ok, so the preformers. Fab and Juelz didn't know the words to the songs. Wow dudes, freshen up on it before you come out. Not sure what the meaning of Estelle was and/or Eve but they looked nice. Again Too Short was lacking as was Cypress Hill. But as it is well known, this entire thing is put together by Fab 5 Freddy (the dude from YO! MTV Raps when MTV was more music videos then reality TV). So I think it's whomever is greasing his pockets gets honored. That's the only explaination for this whack ass show. See that's my point is there a ballot that goes out and average people vote or is it all Fab 5? Something just doesn't smell right with that. Where's Heavy D? Kid n Play? Don't front them House Party movies did good things for hip hop. Leaders of the New School? What they need to do is Jay and Nas. That's the show right there WHAT, The Roc and The Firm?!?!
The best Hip Hop Honors: 2005 (Nelly and Ciara 'Doin It' and if you don't agree that Big Daddy Kane put on the best show that night, something is wrong with you) and 2007 (Nelly's swexy ass doing the whop to The Freaks Come Out At Night and ALL of the Missy tributes). 2007 with Missy.....what that chick has done for hip hop is undescribable on the real. Her beats, her colabs are just sick. That was a good pick right there! 2005 Big Daddy Kane did a split!! WHAT! I need that on DVD.
The whackness that hit the airwaves Monday night (people who love hip hop also have jobs VH1 so lets get it together as far as the timeframe goes) was disappointing. The bar as been set and they need to come harder and stronger. This half ass nut job.....was not what I was hoping for.
Maybe VH1 should stop spending new programming funds on shows like 'I Love Money' and that retarded I need love show with Chance and the bucktooth retard and bring back the Pop Culture Trivia show. THAT is truly missed. Or up the budget for Hip Hop Honors.....New York does not need another reality show and neither does Flavor Flav. No more of this bafoonery please. Stop funding that bullshit and lets get back to entertainment.......
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Wiping Some Dirt Off My Shoulder
Office politics are a bitch. I was recently a victim of that bullshit. Back in July, I worked for Day & Zimmerman, a corporate conglomerate located in Center City Philadelphia. We (the accounts receivable) department was informed that the department was being dissolved and the responsibilities were being reissued to all field offices. Cool. The notice they gave was approximately 2 weeks. HR read us our standard rights, yadda yadda, there were other positions opening but there were 15 people in HR and only 10 positions reopened. This is where things began to get.....shady.
Lets take management for instance. My supervisor (we'll call him Opie) is a bitch. He got his job because he used to work for CDI. The director of AR (we'll call him Brolly) did also and brought Opie in on some slick okey doke, old boy club bullshit. Previously to Opie coming to DayZim, the department should've been questioned in the first place because retention was at an all time low and the amount of unapplied cash was ridiculous. Plus the old bitties (combined these broads had like 50 yrs with the company) did what they pleased. But those factors were never looked at. DayZim had (still has) a problem w/minority retention. Previously to Opie being brought on, there was an african american female who just walked off the job due to lack of structure (aka management having no backbone). Brolly slid in the AR Manager's (we'll call her Ciely, like off Color Purple) ear and plugged in Opie and poof! this dude is sprinkling his fuck up dust all over the place. So began the demise of Accounts Receivable......
Ciely has no backbone, she is a yes man. Her management skills are mediocre at best, she doesn't stand up and fight for herself or for her department. Together, her and Opie manage to isolate you, constantly insult your intelligence until you just can't take it anymore. From what I was met to understand, previous to me joining the fucked up fam, a young lady was there for about 5 months and couldn't take the lack of training but the constant put downs for not being trained on policies and procedures. She not only walked off the job, but sent a descriptive email to HR explaining exactly why she was leaving and pointing out the holes in AR that needed to be filled, naming Opie and Ciely repeatedly. Nothing was done. HR interviewed the entire department but not changes were made. When I came to DayZim my training was.....whack for lack of a better word. The young lady they assigned to train had her own work to do, didn't make time to train and/or ensure that our training was complete. And when these issues were brought to Opie, it wasn't given any type of chance.
Instead of dissolving the department, why wasn't it reorganized? Why wasn't management given an overhaul? Opie was given the only manager position assigned while 4 other people where let go including me. I was told that I wasn't even considered for another position b/c of the write ups in my file (which were not signed by me and there were rebuttals to these complaints also) but yet....Opie has been named repeatedly and this dude stayed? Office politics foreal? Bogus. White people have been doing this shit for years but it's never been my concern until I got caught up.
It's cool DayZim obviously wasn't the place for me. I miss my peoples there and all but...I had to get this off my chest. The whole company is a fuck up as far as I'm concerned from the top level execs to the mailroom clerks. Before you even step foot in Day & Zimmerman do your research. The smart ones get out early, especially if you're a minority. They offer no maternity leave (fucked up) and work you to the bone for just enough pay to make it hard for you to go elsewhere. Yes there are perks (the boxes in ALL of the major Philadelphia Stadiums) but it's first come first serve and not on any type of seniority basis. They work you to death, only point out your flaws continuously while ignoring any good work you've produced. Their internship program is mediocre at best. It's all about who you know and whether or not you have a gag reflex that will ensure your careerpath at DayZim. Don't even get me started on Accounts Payable and how that's run like a Soprano episode. My girl Counts has infiltrated and she's cool peeps but, idk she better watch her back.
I hope this reaches someone, anyone who is a minority and was considering DayZim as a potential place of employment. Get at me if you want more specific information but if you're offered a gig, politely refuse. The company looks wonderful from the outside but please trust it's hell once you're on the inside....
Lets take management for instance. My supervisor (we'll call him Opie) is a bitch. He got his job because he used to work for CDI. The director of AR (we'll call him Brolly) did also and brought Opie in on some slick okey doke, old boy club bullshit. Previously to Opie coming to DayZim, the department should've been questioned in the first place because retention was at an all time low and the amount of unapplied cash was ridiculous. Plus the old bitties (combined these broads had like 50 yrs with the company) did what they pleased. But those factors were never looked at. DayZim had (still has) a problem w/minority retention. Previously to Opie being brought on, there was an african american female who just walked off the job due to lack of structure (aka management having no backbone). Brolly slid in the AR Manager's (we'll call her Ciely, like off Color Purple) ear and plugged in Opie and poof! this dude is sprinkling his fuck up dust all over the place. So began the demise of Accounts Receivable......
Ciely has no backbone, she is a yes man. Her management skills are mediocre at best, she doesn't stand up and fight for herself or for her department. Together, her and Opie manage to isolate you, constantly insult your intelligence until you just can't take it anymore. From what I was met to understand, previous to me joining the fucked up fam, a young lady was there for about 5 months and couldn't take the lack of training but the constant put downs for not being trained on policies and procedures. She not only walked off the job, but sent a descriptive email to HR explaining exactly why she was leaving and pointing out the holes in AR that needed to be filled, naming Opie and Ciely repeatedly. Nothing was done. HR interviewed the entire department but not changes were made. When I came to DayZim my training was.....whack for lack of a better word. The young lady they assigned to train had her own work to do, didn't make time to train and/or ensure that our training was complete. And when these issues were brought to Opie, it wasn't given any type of chance.
Instead of dissolving the department, why wasn't it reorganized? Why wasn't management given an overhaul? Opie was given the only manager position assigned while 4 other people where let go including me. I was told that I wasn't even considered for another position b/c of the write ups in my file (which were not signed by me and there were rebuttals to these complaints also) but yet....Opie has been named repeatedly and this dude stayed? Office politics foreal? Bogus. White people have been doing this shit for years but it's never been my concern until I got caught up.
It's cool DayZim obviously wasn't the place for me. I miss my peoples there and all but...I had to get this off my chest. The whole company is a fuck up as far as I'm concerned from the top level execs to the mailroom clerks. Before you even step foot in Day & Zimmerman do your research. The smart ones get out early, especially if you're a minority. They offer no maternity leave (fucked up) and work you to the bone for just enough pay to make it hard for you to go elsewhere. Yes there are perks (the boxes in ALL of the major Philadelphia Stadiums) but it's first come first serve and not on any type of seniority basis. They work you to death, only point out your flaws continuously while ignoring any good work you've produced. Their internship program is mediocre at best. It's all about who you know and whether or not you have a gag reflex that will ensure your careerpath at DayZim. Don't even get me started on Accounts Payable and how that's run like a Soprano episode. My girl Counts has infiltrated and she's cool peeps but, idk she better watch her back.
I hope this reaches someone, anyone who is a minority and was considering DayZim as a potential place of employment. Get at me if you want more specific information but if you're offered a gig, politely refuse. The company looks wonderful from the outside but please trust it's hell once you're on the inside....
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Anger Management
I think I should enroll myself in some anger management program. I really have a severe hatred for my baby father and this has nothing to do with anything between him and I, it's all about the seed. Dis nigga does nothing for her but play weekend daddy and I'm supposed to clap like a fucking seal and give dis nigga props. Oh hell to the no....that's not happening.
Dis nigga calls here demanding information about the seed which is cool but the level of disrespect from this nigga is uncanny. I take care of his seed all by myself with absolutely no help and I get talked to like I'm a jumpoff, like I'm some chick from the streets. He's telling me information is mandatory and what he will and will not tolerate? Who the fuck are you dude? Nobody as far as I'm concerned. I'm so angry I'm shaking at this point...I can't even get this post together to just type things that will stand in court....
To all the baby moms in the world, stand up and pray for your girl cause I'm about to go off up in this piece.....
Dis nigga calls here demanding information about the seed which is cool but the level of disrespect from this nigga is uncanny. I take care of his seed all by myself with absolutely no help and I get talked to like I'm a jumpoff, like I'm some chick from the streets. He's telling me information is mandatory and what he will and will not tolerate? Who the fuck are you dude? Nobody as far as I'm concerned. I'm so angry I'm shaking at this point...I can't even get this post together to just type things that will stand in court....
To all the baby moms in the world, stand up and pray for your girl cause I'm about to go off up in this piece.....
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Sex And The City
I'm am the biggest fan of this show. Not just because of the fashion (OMG the bridal coutoure VOGUE shoot in the movie made my nipples hard) but because of the friendship. The fact that these four women come from completely different backgrounds and places but are the best of friends makes me thankful for my friends, all of the broads I call friends anyway and those are the lucky chosen few. Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha epitomize what every woman needs in her life; ride or die chicks. Without friendships like that, what is a girl to do? I have female friends who say 'oh, I don't get along with females like that' but on the real, what would you do if you couldn't call your girl at 3am to cry and bitch about the latest thing that dude did. Now I will say, a gay man is a great subsitute for a female. BUT the gays get it poppin! Their clubs stay open later then regular hetero clubs so....I'm not hating or saying that you should descriminate but keep that in mind. I've spent so much of my life alone and running from...whatever it was that was bothering me at the time that it was hard to cultivate these types of friendships. And although I'm selfish at times and put myself before any trip or any 'thing' my college roommates want to do, I do value them as friends. I need to start showing that more. This past (29th, damn a bitch is old) birthday was a lonely one. I spent it with my daughter and other then that......alone. Plenty of calls and a plethora of emails from associates and the Amazons but that's about it. Felt kinda sad but I made the most of it.
Miss my girls from college but I'm lucky to have met some fantastic females at this stage of my life that are just what the doctor ordered. Our lives are very different (at least mine is) but we all click in our own special way. Everyone needs to know that they're not, and never will be alone.
SATC is a handbook to women, regardless of race, creed or color that friendships and relationships go hand and hand and should be handled with care as such. I love my friends as much if not more than any man that comes into my life; he should know it (and respect it) and vice versa. Any man that comes into my life has to meet the Amazons, the roommates and my beloved sister because their opinion is highly regarded (lol) but not the final answer. If you're over 20, you know that sometimes it takes someone else's opinion for you to realize any potential flaws in your mate and/or your relationship. That's a tidbit for the ages....
In both relationships, in order for it to work, both parties have to be willing to meet in the middle of the Brooklyn Bridge :) .........
Miss my girls from college but I'm lucky to have met some fantastic females at this stage of my life that are just what the doctor ordered. Our lives are very different (at least mine is) but we all click in our own special way. Everyone needs to know that they're not, and never will be alone.
SATC is a handbook to women, regardless of race, creed or color that friendships and relationships go hand and hand and should be handled with care as such. I love my friends as much if not more than any man that comes into my life; he should know it (and respect it) and vice versa. Any man that comes into my life has to meet the Amazons, the roommates and my beloved sister because their opinion is highly regarded (lol) but not the final answer. If you're over 20, you know that sometimes it takes someone else's opinion for you to realize any potential flaws in your mate and/or your relationship. That's a tidbit for the ages....
In both relationships, in order for it to work, both parties have to be willing to meet in the middle of the Brooklyn Bridge :) .........
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
The First Step....
It has come to my attention that I may have been harboring some ill feelings towards my baby daddy. Inadequacy is a hard pill to swallow and that's exactly how I feel. I was with this dude for 5 years, playing wifey and putting up with his short comings (more like fast cummings, literally) and just.....settling. Yes our relationship was completely whack and thank GOD we never married b/c...well that wouldn't have ended in anything nice. But now he's manning up, just for somebody else. That's where my anger comes in. I have his only child and this dude NEVER did any of the things he does for this other broad for me and his child. He never offered to move us to another place, never offered to pay for daycare (or anything for that matter) or help me with any of my bills, never offered to work more then one job to support me and his child. But this broad comes along and all the sudden he's a man? Yes our relationship wasn't the best towards the end. It wasn't always like that. And all the things I did for him, he's reciprocating to another woman who doesn't have his child.
This has nothing to do with me wanting him back by any means b/c the sex was whack and there was no trust. Without trust, there cannot be any love. But my daughter deserves better then some weekend dad. He's taking care of another man's child and leaving his by the wayside for another man to take care of. Such a vicious cycle.
So I'm announcing my anger, recognizing it and renouncing it all in the span of 5 minutes. Everytime I feel this anger and contentment rising up in me, I will renounce it and say a short prayer for my BD's eternal happiness. It's gonna be hard but this is my pledge and hopefully I can surrender this anger to GOD and become a better person because of it.
Have you "renounced the hidden things of shame" in your life— the things that your sense of honor or pride will not allow to come into the light? You can easily hide them. Is there a thought in your heart about anyone that you would not like to be brought into the light? Then renounce it as soon as it comes to mind— renounce everything in its entirety until there is no hidden dishonesty or craftiness about you at all. Envy, jealousy, and strife don’t necessarily arise from your old nature of sin, but from the flesh which was used for these kinds of things in the past (see Romans 6:19 and 1 Peter 4:1-3 ). You must maintain continual watchfulness so that nothing arises in your life that would cause you shame.
I'm envious that my BD is being the man for someone else that he couldn't be for me. And that it may be my fault that my daughter will grow up without a father. Everytime this thought comes to mind, I will renounce it and surrender it to GOD for him to do with what he will.
This has nothing to do with me wanting him back by any means b/c the sex was whack and there was no trust. Without trust, there cannot be any love. But my daughter deserves better then some weekend dad. He's taking care of another man's child and leaving his by the wayside for another man to take care of. Such a vicious cycle.
So I'm announcing my anger, recognizing it and renouncing it all in the span of 5 minutes. Everytime I feel this anger and contentment rising up in me, I will renounce it and say a short prayer for my BD's eternal happiness. It's gonna be hard but this is my pledge and hopefully I can surrender this anger to GOD and become a better person because of it.
Have you "renounced the hidden things of shame" in your life— the things that your sense of honor or pride will not allow to come into the light? You can easily hide them. Is there a thought in your heart about anyone that you would not like to be brought into the light? Then renounce it as soon as it comes to mind— renounce everything in its entirety until there is no hidden dishonesty or craftiness about you at all. Envy, jealousy, and strife don’t necessarily arise from your old nature of sin, but from the flesh which was used for these kinds of things in the past (see Romans 6:19 and 1 Peter 4:1-3 ). You must maintain continual watchfulness so that nothing arises in your life that would cause you shame.
I'm envious that my BD is being the man for someone else that he couldn't be for me. And that it may be my fault that my daughter will grow up without a father. Everytime this thought comes to mind, I will renounce it and surrender it to GOD for him to do with what he will.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Church - Sunday September 14th 2008
There are times in your spiritual life when there is confusion, and the way out of it is not simply to say that you should not be confused. It is not a matter of right and wrong, but a matter of God taking you through a way that you temporarily do not understand. And it is only by going through the spiritual confusion that you will come to the understanding of what God wants for you.
The Shrouding of His Friendship (see Luke 11:5-8 ). Jesus gave the illustration here of a man who appears not to care for his friend. He was saying, in effect, that is how the heavenly Father will appear to you at times. You will think that He is an unkind friend, but remember?He is not. The time will come when everything will be explained. There seems to be a cloud on the friendship of the heart, and often even love itself has to wait in pain and tears for the blessing of fuller fellowship and oneness. When God appears to be completely shrouded, will you hang on with confidence in Him?
The Shadow on His Fatherhood (see Luke 11:11-13 ). Jesus said that there are times when your Father will appear as if He were an unnatural father?as if He were callous and indifferent— but remember, He is not. "Everyone who asks receives . . ." ( Luke 11:10 ). If all you see is a shadow on the face of the Father right now, hang on to the fact that He will ultimately give you clear understanding and will fully justify Himself in everything that He has allowed into your life.
The Strangeness of His Faithfulness (see Luke 18:1-8 ). "When the Son of Man comes, will He really find faith on the earth?" ( Luke 18:8 ). Will He find the kind of faith that counts on Him in spite of the confusion? Stand firm in faith, believing that what Jesus said is true, although in the meantime you do not understand what God is doing. He has bigger issues at stake than the particular things you are asking of Him right now.
Don't know about anyone else but I needed this right about now. Everything that is piling down on me, I needed to be reminded that my faith is being tested and that I need no look to anyone but GOD for answers and soltice. The plan will be revealed in due time but for right now I give thanks for the opportunity to grow both mentally and spiritually through this journey. Plus, GOD gots other things to do!
Mad Max
Extremely excited to see Maxwell *gasp* on tour again after some crazh hiadus. Below is a list of his tour dates:
Tour Dates:
Oct 3
Bloemfontein, SA
Bloemfontein Showgrounds
Oct 3
Bloemfontein, SA
Bloemfontein Showgrounds
Oct 5
Amsterdam, NL
Heineken Music Hall
Oct 8
Boston
Opera House
Oct 9
*Sold Out*
New York
Radio City Music Hall
Oct 10
Wallingford
Chevrolet Theatre
Oct 12
Toronto
Massey Theatre
Oct 14
Cincinnati
The Taft Theatre
Oct 15
St. Louis
Fox Theatre
Oct 17
Indianapolis
Murat Theater
Oct 18
Chicago
Chicago Theater
Oct 19
Detroit
Fox Theatre
Oct 21
Minneapolis
Orpheum Theater
Oct 22
Omaha
Music Hall
Oct 23
Kansas City
Uptown Theatre
Oct 25
Denver
Paramount Theatre
Oct 28
Oakland
Paramount Theatre
Oct 31
Las Vegas
Pearl
Nov 1
Los Angeles
Shrine Auditorium
Nov 6
*Sold Out*
Houston
Verizon Theatre
Nov 8
Dallas
Majestic Theatre
Nov 10
Birmingham
BJCC Hall
Nov 11
Memphis
Orpheum Theater
Nov 12
Atlanta
Civic Center
Nov 14
Greensboro
Coliseum Theatre
Nov 15
Richmond
Landmark Theatre
Nov 17
Washington DC
Constitution Hall
Nov 21
Philadephia
Susquehanna Center
Susquehanna Center
Yeah I'm from Philly. Keep a close eye on his myspace page for any updated information. Looks like he's keeping a close eye on ticket sales (Houston sold out already?) and is updating it accordingly. If you're a fan like me, this is NOT the concert to miss. I'm anxious to see exactly what songs he pulls out of the vault AND I want to hear more tracks from Black. Summers. Night. Check the playlist widget for TVBO Mad Max, my personal favs.
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