It has come to my attention that I may have been harboring some ill feelings towards my baby daddy. Inadequacy is a hard pill to swallow and that's exactly how I feel. I was with this dude for 5 years, playing wifey and putting up with his short comings (more like fast cummings, literally) and just.....settling. Yes our relationship was completely whack and thank GOD we never married b/c...well that wouldn't have ended in anything nice. But now he's manning up, just for somebody else. That's where my anger comes in. I have his only child and this dude NEVER did any of the things he does for this other broad for me and his child. He never offered to move us to another place, never offered to pay for daycare (or anything for that matter) or help me with any of my bills, never offered to work more then one job to support me and his child. But this broad comes along and all the sudden he's a man? Yes our relationship wasn't the best towards the end. It wasn't always like that. And all the things I did for him, he's reciprocating to another woman who doesn't have his child.
This has nothing to do with me wanting him back by any means b/c the sex was whack and there was no trust. Without trust, there cannot be any love. But my daughter deserves better then some weekend dad. He's taking care of another man's child and leaving his by the wayside for another man to take care of. Such a vicious cycle.
So I'm announcing my anger, recognizing it and renouncing it all in the span of 5 minutes. Everytime I feel this anger and contentment rising up in me, I will renounce it and say a short prayer for my BD's eternal happiness. It's gonna be hard but this is my pledge and hopefully I can surrender this anger to GOD and become a better person because of it.
Have you "renounced the hidden things of shame" in your life— the things that your sense of honor or pride will not allow to come into the light? You can easily hide them. Is there a thought in your heart about anyone that you would not like to be brought into the light? Then renounce it as soon as it comes to mind— renounce everything in its entirety until there is no hidden dishonesty or craftiness about you at all. Envy, jealousy, and strife don’t necessarily arise from your old nature of sin, but from the flesh which was used for these kinds of things in the past (see Romans 6:19 and 1 Peter 4:1-3 ). You must maintain continual watchfulness so that nothing arises in your life that would cause you shame.
I'm envious that my BD is being the man for someone else that he couldn't be for me. And that it may be my fault that my daughter will grow up without a father. Everytime this thought comes to mind, I will renounce it and surrender it to GOD for him to do with what he will.
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