Came back to life just when I got your call
I wished I could climb right through the telephone line
And give you what you want so you will still be mine, hey, hey"
Peaches & Herb "Reunited"
I go cold turkey. Thoughts of him consume my day and make it hard to concentrate or anything else. I limit contact and each day I tell myself I'm making a clean break. He must sense it because he calls, indulges me in coversation not knowing that just the sound of his voice makes me giddy. Another call, second day in a row. A voicemail saying he's thinking about me. I loose myself, all composure in fact and resort back to the old me. He messages. Says he's out celebrating. Evidently with someone who is not me. I check into the HeartBreak Hotel once again. Anger, sadness and questions swarm and take over me. Who knows what he's doing and how did I get back to this place. Retail therapy doesn't even work. I am no longer myself as I scramble back to where I once was, the woman I was becoming before the call came. I want to cry but can't. I want to call but refuse to. Instead, I ready for plans tonight but my heart is no longer in it. Where will this lead? Who knows and I'm tired of constantly wondering this. I must move on for my sanity.
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