I am being broken down, so that I can be rebuilt. My tests of faith are always extreme on some old TV's Real World Gauntlet tip. I understand that the war for my soul consists of many (daily) small battles that wage EVERYDAY. Lost my gig (literally, I lost the grip I had on it) now I'm unemployed...just saying those words takes the breath out of me and I don't have asthma.
Oddly enough, I'm not scared or shook. No, I don't know what the future holds but I'm confident that any steps I take from this point on will be bringing me to my awesome destiny. Everything that has happened in the past is where it is. None of my heartache, pain and selflessness will not go un-noticed. Not for naught, everything that happens from this point on is pushing me one step futher to greatness. I have big plans, expect big things, patience is the key and always the lesson and now that I recognize it, I know what I must do. I prayed about my job, asked for an answer and...I got it evidently. Prayed about this situation with my family, got that answer real quick too. Prayed about DivaBabe's school situation, got that answer. Asked a couple other questions that have yet to revealed but I'm confident those answers will come also.
I can't say I was upset because in times like these I don't feel I just act. So I haven't had time to react emotionally because I've been on my grind job searching and resume updating and whatnot. Unemployment has been filed for, now all I have to do is wait. Will learn to live on this budget until the New Year; that's the date I keep envisioning in my head as ecoming gainfully employed again. I wanna worry, I wanna be upset but somthing just won't let me. Call it confidence, cockiness, whatever you want but I just cannot be brought down. I don't want to say I'm 'happy' but I am. I needed to get rid of toxins; people and places that were bringing me down. The job was one of them. So I'm ok with this separation. Still I rise....and press on.
My final question I need an answer on is my love life. Not sure whether I'm coming or going in that department so this morning...for an hour I prayed on it. I asked to be readied for love and asked for a love so awesome that it withstands the test of time. A love that no man can put asunder. Yes I' asking for extraordinary things because I'm an extraordinary child of God. I'm not afraid to ask my Father for anything because he knows my wants before I ask. I just have to move to put things into place or, in this case, be still and let my footsteps be guided. Either way, the next move that is made will be the right one......Selah
I have so much clarity right now and all I had to do was pray. Simple actions. Feels like a weight has been lifted off my chest and I can finally breathe, mercy. I'm so good at giving uplifting advice but can't heed my own. A true sign of a fool. I've been in love once, in lust another time and the perfect combination of the two most recently. He's illusive like the everlasting paper chase but I'm diligent in my pursuit. Time will tell, I put it in the hands of The Most High for him to handle. I just have to walk away from it and move on. Easier said than done.
I don't need luck b/c I've got faith.....
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