I'm existing. Trying to figure out what living is supposed to be like. Because this, what I'm doing, isn't living.
I don't know what's going on these days. Feels like I've lost EVERYTHING. I no longer try to understand, I don't ask why I just continue to exist. Love has exited my life, my finances are in shambles BUT I still have my health, a job (part-time for one of the biggest and fastest growing companies in the world), a roof over my head and a beautiful daughter who loves me no matter what. For that I give thanks to the Most High. I have a lot to be thankful for and I need to recognize that.
There is so much happiness around me and I am genuinely happy for my friends. I celebrate with them and send prayers up for their abundance. I know this is a test. I was uber-excited when I was given all I prayed for, now that it all has been taken away I need to learn to be content no matter what cards are dealt. I'm letting my heartache take over everything else and this isn't the way. I need to guard my heart better. He came along and was everything I'd ever asked God for so I opened myself up 100% only to get hurt, feel like a failure and be rejected. But it's cool, the other side of this is dope. I know things are working out, for my good and I'm counting it all joy. I miss him yes and I know he misses me too but I have to wait for him to chose me again. I can't rush things just because I'm scared. Time will tell, until then I have to start living my life and no longer let this hiccup run my life. I claim this week to be full of nothing but more blessings.....Selah. I claim victory over my life right now, order will be restored. The enemy wants to backoff....I'm tired of fighting and when I have to retreat my Spirit takes over. You don't wanna come test....not at all homey so if I were you I'd be easy and GET OFF ME. I want EVERYTHING back I let you steal from me: my love, my finances, my mother's health, order....I'm TAKING it back.
In Jesus beautiful name.....AMEN
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